Genuine Friendships

All right, good morning. Thanks for joining us. Today. We are starting the Book of Philippians and I’m excited because the Book of Philippians is a very encouraging book. It speaks of the benefit and the beauty and the joy of the body of believers. And it also speaks about the power and influence of the gospel. And so right right into it. Looking at some of the genesis of history here with the flipping is is it really starts in acts 16. So if you look back at 16, there’s this event that’s going on and Paul is traveling around and he he has three or four missionary journeys in his life, depending on how you look at it. He’s got three missionary journeys. Some may consider the fourth where he was taken as a prisoner to Rome as his final missionary journey. But this is on his second missionary journey where he reaches the Philippians. But he’s going through this this portion of Asia, which would be modern day Turkey. And he’s going up and it says that the Holy Spirit as he’s going through Malaysia and ferga, that the Holy Spirit then prevents him from sharing the word sharing the gospel throughout this portion of Asia. So he goes up and he’s at troughs. And then here is where in Acts 16, it says that he was uh he has a vision of a man from Macedonia who is calling out and not just calling out, but he’s pleading with Paul to come help them. And paul right there says, this is a call from God to take the gospel to europe. This is the evangelization of europe. He goes across this is in modern day Greece. He goes to the Philippians along with other churches, but that’s really where it started as God called paul to reach the Philippians. Now, this was written later, like I said on his fourth missionary journey, if you want to call it, as he sits in the prison at Rome. He’s writing back to this church that he went to, that he started and this would be considered most likely the last of his prison epistles where he wrote Ephesians, colossians and Philemon. And so that’s really where this starts. And so we’re gonna look at Philippians one versus one through 11. So if you open your bibles, you can read with me here or it’s up on the screen Verse one, Paul and Timothy Servants of Christ Jesus to all the saints in christ jesus who are in philippi including the overseers and the deacons, Grace to you and peace from God, our father and the Lord jesus christ. I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you, always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer because of your partnership in the Gospel. From the first day until now I am sure this that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of christ jesus. Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart and you are all partners with me in grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the Gospel for God is my witness. How deeply I miss all of you with the affection of christ jesus. I pray this that your love will keep on growing in knowledge and every kind of discernment so that you may approve the things that are superior and maybe pure and blameless in the day of christ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through jesus christ to the glory and praise of God. Mhm. From the get go you see that this is a very similar, familiar greeting that paul would give. But yet sometimes you have to look at not what is just written but what’s not written. And so a lot of times you’ll read where he writes a letter, he’ll address people by saying paul, an apostle of christ, jesus and here he doesn’t he doesn’t use the title that authoritative position, the title of the apostle. And so you see that in Galatians Ephesians, colossians, romans 1st and 2nd Corinthians, this is a very common way that he would address people in Philippians is a little bit different of a feel of a letter and it has a little bit different of an attention, it’s not going after this theological issue, this church issue that you know, trouble and and things that he’s trying to address with these people. A lot of flipping has just written out of the heart of affection, of love, of admiration, of that mutual respect of genuine friendship. And so he doesn’t have to, he doesn’t lead out with paul an apostle. He’s like no servant of christ as my friends. He’s writing to the people he loves. And sometimes it’s can be kind of weird to think about paul or sometimes biblical figures that are kind of these mighty men of the faith and we and we can kind of think of them as this. It’s paul and God and that’s it, right. It’s just, oh, he didn’t need people. But yet it’s very clear paul had great friends and there was a relational depth that he had and God gave him that we see the benefit that it literally benefited paul’s life and the ministry of the Gospel. And it brought him great joy. Just like friends do the same for us. Our friends should be a benefit to us and of great joy to our hearts. We desire that. I mean that is a that’s a natural desire that we want. We want to be and have friends, right? We want to have friends, we want to be a friend, we want to be needed and to have people meet us in our needs. God made us relational. And that’s part of how we reflect the image of christ. He made us in his image and before the foundation of the world, God was in communion with the son, jesus christ and the Holy Spirit, the Tryon God was in communion in relationship and he made us to reflect that and we are to be relational. He didn’t just say gather on sunday so you can see people’s new clothes, right? There is a relationship that were to have with one another and that’s why we desire that because we’re made in the image of God. So it may not jump out at you as we read through these 11 verses, how paul could write such a letter of affection, but if you dig a little bit you can kind of see buried in the in the opening that the Philippians and they had a foundation of their friendship and what made that, what made and influence these life altering friendships because we want that and we want to be that for other people. And so I’m going to call out a few things here as we look through what made that so special. What made those friendships so genuine. So we’ll start with versus three through 5 I would say just the foundation of Christ Christ is the foundation here I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer because of your partnership in the Gospel. From the first day until now there was a partnership in the Gospel, there’s a foundation about being unified and united in christ right? You can like you can like the same sports team, you can like gardening, you can whatever it is, you can share a common like a common interest and that can you know be somewhat of a connection that you have with somebody but it doesn’t doesn’t even come close to the connection that you have with another believer right? You can connect mentally emotionally physically with people. But if you can’t connect spiritually with people there’s like a glass ceiling, there’s a depth that you can’t reach. If you cannot spiritually connect with somebody, that’s a whole dimension of our life that people want to leave out and say yeah you do your thing, you you do yours and I’ll do mine and and and we negate that and we miss a huge aspect of humanity. And so as another believer, we can connect in a spiritual way that is different than anybody else. This is why we can so quickly say to another person, this is my brother or sister in christ. There’s a familial bond by just both having a relationship with christ, both having a relationship with christ makes us have a familial bond under the headship of christ. That is a strong relationship that God has called us to. So when you share the same meaning of life, the same purpose for living the same mission, the cause that you give your life to, that is a powerful thing that we as believers share among one another. In the book. It’s called The Company we Keep in search of Biblical friendship, Jonathan Holmes, right? This biblical friendship exists when two or more people bound together by a common faith in jesus christ pursue him in his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, Biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to christ who brought us into friendship with the father. It is indispensable to the work of the Gospel in the Earth and an essential element of what God created in us. And so this touches actually on some of the other points that we’re gonna we’re gonna go over. But God created us to have these friendships and these biblical based friendships are an incredible joy to our life, a benefit to our life. And because God has designed it that way it is for the benefit of the Gospel. And it is a small reflection, no matter how great of a relationship you may have here on earth, which is again a blessing from christ. It is only a small reflection of the intimate relationship we can have with christ. Yeah, but we have to ask the question and it comes up a lot, We have to ask the question, well, what does this mean about unbelieving friends? Can I should I have unbelieving friends? Well, yes and yes, absolutely, we have unbelieving friends, you should have unbelieving friends, but we have to realize again, there is a limit on the depth that you can share your life in those regards, right? They can’t lead you down the path of sanctification of being more like christ because they themselves are not on that path. They can’t lead you in godly counsel and wisdom because they themselves don’t know that wisdom that christ gives. And so we we are to have those relationships and we’re not to just abandon those relationships. But we do have to understand that there is a difference between friendship and an intimate relationship with a believer and someone who’s not a believer. So first off people will kind of sit back and say, well jesus, friend of sinners, right, luke seven, well let’s look at that. The son of man came eating and drinking and you say look a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners. All right, so this can be kind of taken out of context, Jesus didn’t call himself that he was he was called that and it was it was a slap in the face. But the point was that, you know, jesus is not just uh hanging out with prostitutes and swindlers, and all these sinners, just because he needs friends, and he doesn’t have anything better to do on a sunday afternoon. It’s not that was not his mission. His mission is very clearly laid out later and luke when it says, for the Son of man has come to seek and save the lost. You can’t you can’t see people saved if you have no relationship with them, to then share the gospel with them. And I’m not saying that’s the only time you have a relationship with somebody, but that has to be a primary emphasis, because that is our mission as believers, that we share the gospel, that we love people enough to tell them about the gospel. All right, so, it’s not like this social fund party jesus, that he was just bored and needed something to do. Again. You have to look at the context of this, because at that time, the self righteous religious people, they would be like, I’m not gonna eat with those people, I’m not I’m not going to associate with them, I probably won’t even buy from them in a marketplace, I just want nothing to do with them. And guys like, you’re missing the point, here, you are missing the point. How are you going to see people lost? How is the message of christ, going to go out if that’s your attitude? He was calling out those self righteous people. He does talk about in first Corinthians five though, about how he says, if there’s a believer and that believers openly living in sin, and you’ve corrected him, you encourage him to repent, and he’s like, no, I I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna I’m gonna live out this sin, even though I call myself a believer. He says, yep, don’t associate with them, right? That is a hypocrite with no remorse and you should sever that. But he says also in 1st Corinthians five, if you would separate yourself from all the unbelievers of this world, you’d have to separate yourself from everybody. And that makes no sense. So he does clarify, Yeah, we are going to we should I have friends who are unbelievers, but there is a difference. So we have to acknowledge that there is a difference between what a believer and an unbeliever can be as a friend. And so here’s 33 quick things. I would I would uh kind of call out about a friend who might not be saved. one. We should take any opportunity we have and we should have the desire and be praying for opportunities to share the gospel with them, that they’d be open to the gospel, that they would listen to the gospel and that they would repent and be saved. I have heard it many times and you probably have to I don’t know. I just don’t know if owners, I have a feeling. If I share the Gospel with them, it might ruin our relationship. It might just change everything. And so people will sometimes rather cherish this friendship on earth. Then love their friend enough to share the Gospel with them with a risk. Hopefully that’s not the case. But it could easily be the case. But I need to love somebody enough. But I consider their life after they die more valuable than the few years they have here. And so I got a desire one that they come to know, jesus to. We have to understand that no matter what they’re going to influence us. We are influenced by other people. We are influenced by the people, we hang around the way we speak to react, what we believe, there’s no way around it. We are influenced by people and we can also influence others. But we have to be wise in this situation because if you are going to hang around somebody constantly and that is your closest friend and they’re an antagonistic towards the gospel and the bible and believers in the church, it will affect you. It will impact you. I don’t care how strong you are, it will impact you because we are made that way to be impacted good and bad by other people. Someone might say, well what about a bad friend? Are a christian friend who is a bad influence, right? There’s one to do the kind of what about is um what about well in that situation, maybe you should be the good friend and correct them. Right. Whereas if you’re an air, they should correct you. That’s what a biblical friendship can do. We can help each other. Thank you. And then third. It is very clear though. We should not make an unbeliever our spouse. That’s very clear in the bible, right? If if we don’t if a man and woman do not have a common bond and faith, they should not have a common bond of marriage. So there are some areas where God says that is off limits. That’s off limits. Second Corinthians 6 14 do not be yoked together with those who do not believe for what partnership there is there between righteousness and lawlessness or what fellowship does light have with darkness? Now again, I’m not gonna go down this road, but I’ll make a caveat real quick. Doesn’t mean if you if you’re a believer and you married someone who’s not a believer that you get a divorce, it does not mean if you got saved while you’re married and your spouse is still not a believer that you get a divorce. There’s a whole section of the bible. We can talk about that. That’s not my emphasis. But the point is, if you are single and you’re pursuing somebody right now for marriage and you’re a believer and they’re not, the bible would say it is not right for you to pursue that. So there are limitations where our friendship cannot be the ultimate friendship in marriage. That common bond of marriage Proverbs 27 17. We probably all know this verse in one form or another as iron sharpens iron. So one man sharpens another Or hebrews 1024, um let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works. Alright, bring these two up because again, there’s no way around, you’re either gonna sharpen one another, you’re gonna provoke each other towards love and good deeds, or there is always the other side, You can lead each other down a path that is not good, you can be influential in ways that are not beneficial. So we want to sharpen one another. When faith is a part of our friendship, there is a unique opportunity like I said to to connect far more than physically or mentally or emotionally but spiritually. And a lot of times God says people are going to notice this, by the way we love each other, which in all terms is going to be the way we have relationships with one of the way we love one another. A lot of times is gonna be our friendships. That is going to be evident to the people who come to our church, the people outside of our church, our neighbors, our friends. It’s gonna be evident the way we love one another, J vernon McGee old pastor says this, there is a brotherhood and sisterhood within the body of believers in the Lord, jesus christ is the common denominator. Friendship and fellowship are the legal legal tender of believers. That’s the way that it exchanges itself. That love is played out in our friendships and our relationships within the church and we all again, we all desire that as much as you may want to not admit it particularly. Maybe a guy wants to admit that he doesn’t need it. We all desire close intimate relationships. The other one though is candor. I think about if you have a relationship built on christ, but you don’t have cancer, you don’t have any openness right then. Open honest friend. There is a limit. So verse six, I am sure of this that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of christ jesus. So he was confident of christ but that’s not where he where he had any question. He was confident that christ would lead them, he would not abandon them and who would lead them into sanctification. But he also knew because he shared an intimate relationship with the Philippians that they maybe had some weaknesses and they had some struggles and there are some challenges and just like you and I and because he shared that he knew they had progress to make and he could pray for those things. And so to be open and honest with one another. And this kind of play out in two situations. Uh two extremes, generally one right? There’s that person that just will not open up. You never talk to somebody and you ask them questions like and they just Yeah, no, maybe it’s like I’m done. I’ve asked you 40 questions and you said only three words, right? It’s like if you will not open up with somebody, it automatically shuts that door. It’s very much I’m not interested. No thanks. This is not going to go anywhere. Okay, so when, if someone will never share or I, you ask them about their life and and they don’t have any problems. No weaknesses, no struggles, no, no any any issues. It’s like, well, I know people well enough that that’s not true. And so to have an open, honest relationship takes Candour, some vulnerability, Proverbs 1811 who isolates himself, pursue selfish desires. He rebels against sound wisdom. Right? Even looking at isolating oneself one, you can just physically isolate yourself. Being like, I don’t need people. I’m going to isolate myself the other way though. You can just be a bad friend. If you’re a bad friend, you would just you naturally isolate yourself because no one wants to be your friend. So whatever way you isolate yourself, it is against sound wisdom. And really the root of that is pride. There’s just pride in that. To think about the way God designed us to be in relationship with one another to have the church is the body of believers to be of benefit to be a blessing. And you say now Lord, I’m good. I got it under control that whole the way you design me, you must have designed me different. I don’t need anybody. And it’s just like, well, how proud is that that you think you got it and you can just rebel against God’s design for you. So, I want to be sensitive though because I do know that when we are vulnerable with people, just as the word would say as we’re vulnerable, it puts ourselves out there. And if you’ve been hurt by somebody, it is painful. I know that it is it can be painful if someone takes information and shares it. Where you shared in a private setting to be kept between these friends and or whatever it might be. There’s that vulnerability if you’ve been hurt by that. But it doesn’t mean we abandon that, right? Doesn’t mean we just step away to develop genuine friendships, vulnerability is part of it. And it is worth it at the end of the day to share that honest conversation with somebody else. Even with the risk of being vulnerable, some see the vulnerable as a as a weakness, alright. Some can see it as I’ve been hurt, I’m done. The others can just see it as a weakness in and of itself. It’s like, well I have a reputation and image to uphold right, People kind of see me in this way and if I share any of this stuff, they might look at me differently, they might not respect me anymore. They might, whatever it is, it might take away from that image that they want to portray. And that’s kind of the the horrible greatness of social media, right, is that you can portray whatever image you want out there you can look however you want, you can be a poor as dirt and just portray yourself as rich, you could be whatever you want online. And now if I share personally and privately anything else, what if it takes away from that image that I’m trying to portray And so people will protect themselves in in ways that just who have an image and again, not to our benefit. So there’s kind of that one extreme where people won’t share and then there’s the other extreme and I’ll kind of give you an example where, you know, it’s, it’s kind of a church goers worst nightmare. But uh, I remember kind of in college and I was new and you go to this college group and it kind of plays out like this, this is a little exaggerated, but you get the point is, you go to this group and it’s like, I, you know, tonight we’re gonna break down in the men and women. So all right, we go, we go to these different rooms. Guys, girls use a bunch of guys over here and it’s like, all right Shane your your new tonight like uh how many share? Just a little bit about yourself? Like what were you from? You know what do you like to do? I mean while you’re at it, what’s your deepest darkest secret? It’s like uh no thanks. Right, I’m out. And I the other people, some people are just like they’re just vomit all over just of this of who they are and their weaknesses and all this and just like you’re just like oh my goodness. Alright overload. And there are different personalities. Obviously some people can walk into relationships and be much more open and transparent and vulnerable really quickly. And some people take that pace a little bit slower and that’s that’s fine. Right? God has made us in different ways but we are all trying to walk down that path of doing that of being open of being vulnerable, you know? So different personalities introverts, extroverts. Some people are like a wider bigger circle, some people like a smaller intimate circle, the pace at which we do that. You know even genders. I heard a guy one time say uh where men tend to end their conversations is where women tend to start and it’s like yeah, I can see that right? It’s like so there are things just in our personalities and the way God made us. But it doesn’t mean we just say that’s the way I made. I don’t need to be open and vulnerable with anybody. No, like let’s walk down that path for some faster for some slower. The Bible look at James five. I mean look at some examples here Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Regulation six carry one another’s burdens in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. I mean this is, this is being intimate with one another. Not many people are just super excited about sharing the sins that they have. There’s vulnerability there being open, transparent and there’s a lot of other verses in the in the bible that talks about helping each other in these areas and being open and honest with one another in there is a benefit to that. So the more, I mean friendships for a friendship to be genuine, I think this is pretty self evident, but we say right, you gotta be open with one another, otherwise it’s just really hard to be friends if you’re just gonna withhold and not open up, it’s challenging. So candor is one of the things that develops and helps a godly friendship. Another one, if we look at versus seven and eight would be just being considerate for seven. Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you because I have you in my heart and you were partners with me and Grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel for God is my witness, how I deeply miss all of you with the affection of christ jesus, the Philippians. They found themselves afflicted, right? We might think this was just some prospering city and they’re super generous because they just gave out of their wealth. But no, they they were afflicted. They were in hardship, they were going through trials, They were in uh very poor conditions, right? Extreme poverty. This is not like, oh man, I couldn’t get the Lexus I wanted. It’s like, no, we’re talking about people trying to provide food and clothing. This is this is a dire situation. And yet if you look at the reputation and what the Philippians did, it is an amazing testimony about how people can be considerate towards one another. 2nd. Corinthians tells it. 2nd, Corinthians 8, 1 through five. We want you to know brothers and sisters about the grace of God that was given to the churches of Macedonia. The flippy in church during a severe trial, brought about that brought about by affliction. Their abundant joy and and in their extreme poverty overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part, I can testify that according to their ability and even beyond their ability of their own accord. They begged us earnestly for the privilege of sharing in the Ministry of the Saints. And not just as we had hoped. Instead, they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to God’s will, And then later in Chapter four in Philippians, it says. And and you Philippians know that in the early days of the Gospel when I left Macedonia, no church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving. Except for you alone, for even in Thessaloniki to you sent gifts for my needs several times. So this is a this is a group of believers who again was struggling and have their own problems. And a lot of times when we have our own problems, what do we do? We say? I need help You come help me. Which can many cases that that’s right. We want to help those. But even in this situation, they said, no, we want to. We want to participate in the Gospel paul. We love you and you’re over here when we want to help you write your doesn’t like a we want to send you gifts multiple times. You’re in prison in Rome. We want to send you gifts and we want to help you. We want to be a benefit and we don’t have much. But guess what? We’re gonna give Sacrificial. We were gonna do all this. Why? Because we’re considered of you. I think about that mentality when someone is going through something hard, it’s hard to get your mind off of your own struggle. And the Philippines are like, no paul, we’re gonna help you. Were we want to be partners. They pleaded to be part of this. That is that is a beautiful thing in a friendship. Beautiful thing in a friendship is when we can consider one another. Because far too many times we think about friendships and almost like a utilitarian view like what can you give me? What benefit are you to me? None. Now, why would I be friends with you? Or you know, it’s like, well, we should be friends for a little while. You work at this company. I’d really like to work at this company. Let’s grab some lunches and hang out. Oh, you can help me get a job there. Great. Oh, I got the job. Never see you again. It’s like, well, that I mean that’s just using somebody that wasn’t a genuine friendship. We don’t want that exchange. No one wants to go to somebody and say, uh, my pastor said I should hang out with you. Thank you. She uh, no thanks. Find someone new, right? It’s like no one wants to be coerced into friendship. Is that really friendship? But when we can be considerate of one another and we and we get our eyes off of ourselves and we can love somebody in a way it is a beautiful thing. You know, there’s a term, it’s called a conversational narcissist. You ever meet someone like that? Sadly? I’ve probably done that too many times then, that guy too many times, but it’s when every single thing you bring up somehow ends up talking about them. Yeah, I just said I had a bad day and somehow we’re talking about you like how does that happen every time they just they hijack every conversation about themselves. That gets tough. You want to add some complexity of that to you. Got a conversational narcissist who just moping and complaining. I’m sorry guys. But it is tough to be a friend to someone like that. And so we look at ways that we can just not be considerate of others is where you just it’s about me, it’s just about me. You had a bad day. Oh yeah, mine was worse. It’s like it’s always about you the way we can be considered other people. Just listen to respond, to keep even the focus on them. Sometimes it’s harder than we might think. But again, that’s the beauty of being compassionate and considerate of another person. So Paul says it like this in Chapter two, we’ll get there soon, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others more valuable than yourself. Everyone should look not to your own interest, but also to the interests of others. And I remember in college I was called out for this, but an older gentleman who is deciding me and he noticed this in my life and he said, Shane are you more concerned about being interesting or interested? And it was a solid gut punch rightfully so? And I was like, yeah, man, I was more concerned about myself. That’s not what, that’s not what a friendship is about. That’s not what my relationship with christ is about. So when speaking of being considered on a side note real quick, we have to understand to consider this. You cannot be everyone’s best friend, nor can everyone be your best friend. Kind of go against the whole term of being a best friend. But there are different relational depths that we have with people and that’s not, it shouldn’t be out of like um some moral superiority or are favoritism or partiality. Like no, just there are different relationships that we have with different people and we may have a deeper friendship with some, but we may have a different kind of friendship with another and and it may change over time. There are different things in our life, Our personalities and life situations. We can’t be everything to everybody and everybody can’t be the best friend us. We do have different relationships with different people. one other thing would be loyalty. You know, sticking even within verse seven. Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart and you are my partners. You were partners with me and Grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. All right. So, we just see how they were so loyal paul and the Philippians found themselves in dire circumstances, difficult situations because of their faith, because of the things of faith that they stepped out. They live faithfully. They found themselves in difficult situations and they had each other’s back. How important is that? You don’t want to have friends that you’re like, you get into something, you look back and they’re like gone. It’s like, man that sucks, you want to know someone’s got your back, there’s a loyalty to be had within the body of believers, that we should exemplify. And again, I think about being vulnerable with people, I mean, having candor and now you’re talking about being loyal, if if you’ve ever had a situation where someone has abandoned you, when there wasn’t any loyalty again, there is that there’s a pain and the hurt there that I want to acknowledge, but think about jesus, remember when he’s in the garden and the disciples fled or moments later as he is being tried and Peter Denies him three times. We we shouldn’t give up on loyalty though, just because others have